What to Ask About Money Before You Move In Together

Moving in together is exciting. It's also the moment your finances get tied together in ways that are hard to undo. A lease has names on it. Bills have due dates. A deposit has to go back to someone. Having the money conversation before you sign is a lot easier than having it after something goes wrong.

Why before the lease, not after

Once you've signed, you've already made the biggest decisions: how much you'll pay, whose name is on it, and how long you're committed. If you find out after the fact that one of you can't really afford the place, or one of you has debt that's about to change things, your options are narrower. Ask now, while you can still pick a different apartment, a different split, or a different timeline.

The basics: what each of you is bringing

You don't have to hand over every statement. You do need enough of a picture to make a shared decision. Talk about:

• Income. Roughly what each of you brings home, and how steady it is. Salaried, hourly, seasonal, self-employed?
• Debt. Student loans, credit cards, car loans, anything else with a monthly payment.
• Credit situation. Anything that might affect a rental application or a utility account.
• Savings. Is there a cushion if one of you loses a job?

Share as much as you're each comfortable sharing. Some couples show each other their credit reports. Some don't. That's a personal choice, and nobody should be pressured into it. If you want to look at your own report first, the FTC explains that you can check it from each nationwide credit bureau for free at AnnualCreditReport.com.

The lease or mortgage

This is the part people skip, and it's the part that causes the worst surprises.

• Whose name is on it? Both of you, or just one? If only one name will be on it, ask the landlord, and check your state's rules, about what that means for the person who isn't named and for the person who is.
• Who's on the hook for what? Read the lease together. Look for what it says about rent, damage, and what happens if someone moves out early.
• What if one person leaves? Can the other stay? Can someone be added or removed? Does the landlord have to agree?

Tenant rules depend heavily on where you live. USA.gov's tenant rights page suggests reading your lease carefully and points you toward your state's tenant rights resources, which, depending on your state, may include your attorney general, housing agency, or a state tenant rights handbook. If you need a lawyer and money is tight, USA.gov also has a page on how to find affordable legal aid.

If you're buying a home together, or signing anything you don't fully understand, consider talking to a lawyer before you sign. Same if you're thinking about a written cohabitation agreement.

Day-to-day money

This is where the small, repeated frustrations live. Decide how you'll handle:

• Rent. 50/50, proportional to income, or something else? Our splitting guide walks through the methods.
• Utilities and internet. Whose name is each account in? Who pays, and how does the other person pay them back?
• Groceries. Shared shop, separate food, or a mix?
• Subscriptions. Which ones are shared? Who's paying for what?
• Pets. Food, vet bills, pet deposits or fees from the landlord. Whose pet is it, financially?
• Guests. If someone stays for a while, does that change how you split anything?
• Furniture and big purchases. If you buy a couch together, who keeps it later?

It helps to decide where shared money will live. Some couples open a shared account for household bills. Others keep everything separate and settle up. Our piece on joint vs. separate accounts covers the trade-offs.

Habits and values

Numbers are the easy part. The harder conversation is about how you each think about money.

• Is one of you a spender and one a saver? How do you want to handle that difference?
• What do you each do when a surprise bill shows up: pay it immediately, put it on a card, panic?
• What did money look like in the homes you grew up in? What do you want to repeat, and what do you want to avoid?
• How tidy does each of you want things to be: bills paid on the day they arrive, or the day they're due?
• How do you want to make decisions about bigger purchases?

You don't have to agree on everything. You do want to know where the differences are before they show up as a fight over a dishwasher.

The exit plan nobody wants to talk about

Nobody moves in planning to move out. But talking about it now, while you like each other, is much kinder than figuring it out later while you don't. Ask:

• If we break up, who keeps the place? Who moves?
• How do we split the security deposit when it comes back? What if part of it is kept for damage?
• Who keeps shared furniture and other things we bought together?
• How much notice will we give each other?
• What happens to any shared account or shared bills?

Write down what you agree on, even if it's just a note you both keep. If you want something more formal or legally binding, that's a conversation for a lawyer.

Printable question list

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